I Don't Need No Stinkin' Stretchmarks

Some days this adoption doesn't feel real.

Unlike most mothers, my belly isn't growing. There are no flutters, kicks, or (thankfully) bouts of morning sickness. While other moms are experiencing constant physical reminders of the joy forming in their tummies, I have pieces of paper.

...and lemme tell ya, filling out ridiculous forms is nowhere near as fun as maternity shopping.

Sometimes, fear gets the better of me. My fears are similar to what a lot of pregnant moms experience though, I'm sure.

"What if something happens?"
What if the Ukrainian judge takes one look at Donald's tattoos, and deems us unfit parents? What if my youthful face (at 24, strangers are shocked that I'm over 20) works against my favor, and the court decides I seem too young and immature to bring home a 4 year old we've fallen in love with?

"...is this actually happening?"

We fill out paperwork, and wait... but paper has no heartbeat. Paper is nothing to hold on to... and if I can't see something, it just isn't real to me.

"Am I ready?"

And other days, I wonder if I'm setting myself up for failure, and worry that I'm going to be the world's worst mother.

In the last few years, few things have been more unpleasant than finding out a friend or relative (especially those much younger and/or un-expecting/unprepared than myself) were pregnant (or, less frequently, completing an adoption). I knew that one day our time would come, and that we'd be parents. I had faith that God's plan for our family would, at some point, unfold beautifully.

It still hurt though - every time.

But now, there are days like today.

Days when I find out another friend is expecting... and I am purely full of joy and excitement for them. No jealousy, no fist-shaking at the heavens, no awkward silences or tearful prayers.

Nothing but happiness.

Because we're on the road to Little Winn... and (s)he is as real as if (s)he were in my belly... except that I might just get out of this without stretch-marks.

...total bonus!

Physicals

Donald has been home (back from his deployment and a LONG wait in Arizona) for a few weeks, and as of last week we are fully in-processed into Fort Lewis. I am now officially enrolled in TRI-care West Prime (our local region of the military's health insurance). We've been waiting on this for some time now, so today (the first day I was able to) I called and made a doctor's appointment for my physical.

Their first available appointment? September 9th. Not ideal, but things could be worse.

In so many ways, his job has made this a far longer and difficult process than I'd like, but when I find myself becoming frustrated I count my blessings. The Army, however much it complicates our lives, provides a steady income and various forms of support to its adopting families.

...and for that, I am grateful!

Crossed Fingers, Arizona (still!), Medical Exams

Donald is still in Arizona.

Being apart doesn't technically make the process more difficult, but it does have the ability to make things seem that way.

We're still not sure exactly when he'll be home. The Army can be counted on for many great things, but punctuality is not among them. I keep reminding myself that he'll be back, and that this is not permanent. Still, not having a date makes the certainty of his return seem... uncertain, I suppose. I like solid dates (even if they turn out to be inaccurate), because they give my wandering imagination somewhere to go. So along with my husband's impending return, I also find myself constantly wondering when our SDA appointment will be. Will I need to pack a winter coat, or shorts and sunscreen? Never mind that the soonest I'll need to begin packing is January - by golly I want to start THINKING about what I WILL pack. It's not crazy, it's efficient, completely reasonable, and perfectly normal of me.

I like planning. It relaxes me.

Don't judge.

We've already sent all our documents in for the home study... well, everything except for our medical exams. I've been putting if off until Donald comes home, so we can both go at the same time. We're hoping that our home study provider will begin writing everything up in the mean time, completing what he can so that when he finally does receive the last piece, he'll be able to wrap it up within days. On average, his turnaround is 3-ish weeks, so we're crossing our fingers and toes that those 3 weeks began with everything else being submitted, and not from the day we get the last form to him.

Home Study Progress

Well, Donald is still in Arizona. We're not sure when he'll be back, but our best guess is in 2-ish weeks from now.

As of today, everything for the home study has been submitted except for our physicals. We'll be getting them as soon as Donald returns. Turnaround on the home study, we've been told, is roughly one month. Assuming that he starts on the process tomorrow (and then wraps it up within a week of receiving our physicals), the home study should be ready to go by early September.

It's now time to get in contact with our facilitator to find out what steps need to be taken to get our documents translated, and how long that will take.

Home Study Stuff

I have paperwork sitting in front of me that needs to be finished. We are ALMOST done with the home study. Just a few more forms and we're DONE. What's left is nothing too overwhelming for the normal person, but I look at it and feel like imploding. Even the smallest thing right now feels like too much.

It won't take that long, and every moment I wait to finish it is a moment longer that Little Winn waits for us.

So why is it not done already...?!?

The human mind (okay, my mind) baffles me.

The home study process is so intrusive and emotionally draining. On a reasonable level I understand it all. It's there for a purpose, and I'm grateful that they screen parents so thoroughly. But still, it can become bothersome. Do they really need to know, in detail, what my biggest disappointment in life was? Or how often we have "relations"?

I just want to stick my head in the sand.

They're not asking that much from me, but I'm a sensitive (and slightly lazy...) soul, I guess. I just get overwhelmed so easily, and I'm definitely there right now.

First Homestudy Visit Soon!

Good news, everyone! Donald is finally home (for a couple weeks anyway... and then he has to leave again for a few MORE weeks before he's permanently home again).

He flew in the other night, and the next day we emailed our homestudy social worker... and he was able to fit us in for a visit THIS TUESDAY!

YAY!

Military Hiccup

There was a slight military-related hiccup during the last few weeks. We received word that we might be re-stationed, so everything was paused. It was sudden, and very unexpected. There we hung for a couple weeks, feeling helpless. Paperwork sat there in front of me, unable to be turned in for fear we'd be moving (to continue on with the homestudy in hopes of staying would have meant wasting a couple thousand bucks if we ended up moving, so there was definitely no room for such optimism).

All is well that ends well, though. We're not moving, and now my head is pounding just looking at all this paperwork. Admittedly, my savage sinus infection might be contributing to that. It's been killing me for several weeks now, but I've had zero time to get into the doctor. The quarter(school) ends next week though, at which point I'll have ample free time to get some antibiotics (oh, AND get my medical exam for the home study), yay!!